No Deadlines, No Ultimatums

A Different Way to Parent Adult Children and How We're Breaking the Curse of “18 and Out”

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but you do not have to follow the world’s rules when it comes to parenting your grown children. You don’t. If God didn’t say it, why are we living by it?

I’ve been sitting with this a lot lately, especially as a mother of older children. And I’m going to just say it plain, my husband and I have agreed that our children are welcome to stay home until they are truly ready to leave. And if that means until marriage, then that’s what it means. We are not rushing them out. We’re not threatening them with deadlines. We’re not making them feel like they’re on borrowed time.

We are raising them in love, in wisdom, and in purpose.
Because being a parent is not about power or control. It’s about stewardship.

Parenting Is a Calling, Not a Countdown

Somewhere along the way, parenting became a timeline. A checklist. A deadline. But God never told us to raise our kids on the world’s schedule. He told us to raise them in His ways.

I didn’t become a mother just to stop being present when my children turned 18. That’s not what God meant when He said be fruitful and multiply. He didn’t mean, have children just to push them away. He meant raise them up, walk with them, disciple them, love them, and lead them, with patience and grace.

Parenting doesn’t expire. It just changes.
And in our home, we’re learning to parent with purpose, not pressure.

Our Home Is Their Home

We’re not rushing them out.
We’re not threatening them with deadlines.
We’re not making them feel unwelcome or turning our home into a pressure cooker.

Our home is their home. And it always will be.

We want our children to know that they are safe here, seen here, and supported here. That this is a place where they can grow, not a place where they’re constantly wondering if they’ve overstayed their welcome.

Because when a child feels like home is conditional, it creates fear. But when they know they’re still covered, even in adulthood, it gives them the freedom to mature in peace.

This doesn’t mean there are no rules. We do expect responsibility. They’re expected to respect the home, follow the house guidelines, and continue maturing in their walk. But that’s called discipleship, not dictatorship.

Breaking the Cycle And A Word on Cultural Expectations

Some of us were pushed out early.
Some of us were made to feel like a burden.
We were handed responsibilities before we were given guidance.
And for years, we thought that was normal.

But now that we know better, we must do better.

It means going to God and asking, “Lord, is this how You want me to raise my children?” And if He says no, then we stand on that, even if family, friends, or tradition say otherwise.

We need to repent.
We need to ask God to renew our minds and show us how to parent in a way that honors Him.
Not society. Not culture. Not even well-meaning relatives.

Don’t Let Pressure Become Your Parenting Plan

Let’s be honest, the pressure is real. It’s not just coming from culture. It’s coming from family. From friends. From people who mean well but don’t understand what God told you to do.

• “I left the house at 17 and I turned out fine.”

• “They’re too comfortable.”

• “They’ll never grow up if you don’t make them leave.”

Here’s the truth, you are not raising your kids to meet their expectations. You are raising them to fulfill God’s calling.

If your child is not lazy… if they’re helping… if they’re growing, praying, learning, and showing up… why are we so quick to push them away?

We need to stop letting other people’s opinions dictate how we build our homes. And we need to stop turning that pressure onto our children.

Don’t make comments at the table like “You still haven’t moved yet?” Don’t create an invisible countdown in the atmosphere of your home. That’s not love. That’s manipulation.

Instead, build a space where your child can grow in peace. A space where they feel like they belong, not like they’re just passing through. When the time comes, when God releases them, they’ll leave prepared, not pushed.

What the Word Actually Says

Nowhere in Scripture does it say “kick them out at 18.”

In fact, in biblical times, sons stayed under their father’s roof until marriage. Daughters remained under the covering of their father until they were given in marriage. Family was multi-generational. That was normal. That was honored.

Genesis 24 says Isaac was 40 when he married Rebekah. He remained in his mother’s tent until then. Proverbs 24:27 tells us: “Prepare your work outside. Get everything ready for yourself in the field. Then build your house.” That’s order. That’s wisdom. That’s maturity.

And Ephesians 6:4 reminds parents to raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, not in threats, not in shame, and certainly not in eviction notices.

In This House…

In this house, we pray over our children.
We create space for them to grow.
We expect respect, but we don’t make age the measurement of readiness.

Our kids know this is their home and even when they eventually leave, it is still their home.
We’re not raising roommates. We’re raising disciples. And when they walk out of our doors, they won’t be confused. They’ll be confident. Not rushed. Sent.

A Word for Other Parents

If you’ve been carrying guilt or confusion about letting your adult children stay, I want to say this clearly:

You are not weak. You are not behind. You are not failing.

You are walking in wisdom.

And if you feel convicted about past choices, take it to God. He is a Redeemer, and He will show you how to repair what was done in survival mode. Pray. Fast. Ask for clarity. And build your home on His voice, not their opinions.

If you’re ready to shift your mindset, start here:

• Ask God to show you how your upbringing shaped your expectations.

• Be honest with your children about your heart and your home.

• Set clear, loving expectations (not ultimatums).

• Create a home culture of discipleship, not distance.

• And most of all, stay in prayer. Your parenting doesn’t stop when they turn 18. It deepens.

Just remember, you are planting seeds that will outlive you. So give yourself permission to walk boldly in the assignment God gave you. Parent with prayer. Parent with purpose. And parent without apology.

Because when we follow God’s voice, we don’t just raise kids who leave the house. We raise children who leave in peace, prepared for purpose, and rooted in truth. And that is the kind of fruit that honors Him.